"The most important thing every teacher should understand is that teaching is the art of being imitated. If you want a student to perceive a truth, you have to embody it. That's what teaching is. When you teach, whether you intend to or not, you are saying to your students, "Imitate me." Make yourself worth of imitation. You can teach with any method you like, but the only way your student will become truly virtuous is if you, as his teacher or parent, embody Truth."
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| "Childhood of Christ" - Gerrit van Honthorst, 1620 |
Yikes. Pretty hefty realization there. I think of the immense responsibility God has gifted us with- the raising and rearing of His precious souls, our children. It brings to mind the saying, "Do as I say, not as I do." Ha! What a laughable falsity it is! I truly wonder how much of our words actually
stick with our children over the years. I think back on my own childhood… how much of the words my parents said to me do I actually really remember? Honestly….not a whole lot. Sorry, Mom and Dad! And YET, though I may not remember the words themselves, I have no doubt whatsoever that all the words (well, let's realistically say
most of the words) were spoken with compassion, kindness, and love, and then they were embodied, emphasized, supported, and manifested in my parents' actions. Those words came to life- were
animated- in the way they
lived them out. I get it- I am hugely who I am today because of the example I received day in and day out from the influential people in my life, namely Mom and Dad. I think even of teachers that I fondly remember from my school years. I couldn't tell you any words they spoke to me verbatim. But I can tell you much of their characters and their sincere, genuine care for their students, the time they took to make me feel valued, the passion with which they taught...
It is no surprise when my friends get to meet my parents and they mention later how much I talk or gesture like my mom! I have even marveled to myself at times when I react a certain way towards someone else and recognize the same mannerisms coming from me that I notice in my mother. Like mother, like daughter- no kidding! I see things in me that I certainly did not "do anything" to become… my temperament, my inclination towards the Arts, my 'love language', my sensitive though optimistic nature, my compassion for the handicapped… I know now as an adult that so much of this has an immense amount to do with my upbringing.
I think words have only so much power as the actions that support them. And I can say this- the love I felt, knew, and trusted would be there every single day from Mom and Dad backed up every word they said (whether I would remember the actual words later or not) and taught me more than any conversation or lecture about love. What good is it to simply
tell a child something, then turn around and live contrary to that? Now, I'm not saying that we shouldn't teach our children catechesis, shouldn't teach them to
be perfect, simply because we fail, or for fear of being called a hypocrite. My children are all too well aware of their mother's faults and shortcomings! But I hope that each day they see that I
strive to live for Christ, working towards perfection in myself, fighting to conquer my vices and grow in virtue. I share my struggles with them when we pray in the morning, asking God to help me to be a patient, always charitable and kind mother towards them. They
know they're being raised by an imperfect mother. But I do believe that they know they are loved by me, through and through, and no matter my failures, I pray my actions will always reflect that love…so that my words, my lovely idealistic, hopeful words don't fall on deaf ears but are rather like seeds that fall on fertile ground, soaking up little tidbits along the way
because they are being nurtured by my actions, my intentions, my motives, my attempts at the virtues, and
because- by God's grace- they are imitating
these things as they go.
Obviously our Lord knows He is entrusting these beautifully innocent, impressionable, naive souls to other imperfect, sinful souls that are far from perfection most of the time. I cringe at times when I recognize a look or tone of voice or phrase come from one of my children that is
obviously imitating something they have heard or seen from Mama or Papa. God forgive us! But then there are those other precious moments of seeing the positive power of imitation in our children, too... times when I am so proud to be a parent, so humbled by the 'good things' they pick up and choose to imitate. One of my greatest motivations for going to daily Mass with my children, aside from my own spiritual nourishment, is the desire to give my children the daily experience of
simply going, simply doing it, so they will never know otherwise, will always have daily Mass as a part of who they are, what their day includes. What a joy to see my littlest one mimic back my words at Mass as I teach him the name of Jesus when we look at images around the church. Perhaps the most precious imitation- seeing Little Guy (14 months now) open his mouth like a little bird, imitating his mother and siblings when we approach the communion rail. Even Father mentioned this beautiful imitation to me. Or to hear the next ones in line ask "When can I 'eat Jesus' or 'When can I make my First Communion, too?" Why do they desire these things? Because we simply
do them and
visibly show the joy they bring to us. (i.e. I recognize that the kids pick up on drudger-ish attitudes perhaps even more so than the positive ones I hope for them to imitate!!! Don't they say that bad habits are easier to pick up than virtuous ones? Virtue must be tended and cared for and consciously grown in our characters....I think bad habits/vices often come about due to carelessness and the opposite of what grows virtue, yes?
I am careful so that won't be the 'undoing' of everything I work towards with them! In their tendency toward imitation, we are held accountable like nothing else, aren't we?!)
Obviously our Lord knows He is entrusting these beautifully innocent, impressionable, naive souls to other imperfect, sinful souls that are far from perfection most of the time. And yet…He still does it. What a mystery, what a gift, and what a puzzling sense of trust He places in us! But ah! He is Wisdom and Truth Himself, and He knows what He is doing. I have had little glimpses every now and then of His beautiful wisdom in all of this: how much a
parent actually learns about love from his/her children. Here we think
we are the teachers. And yet… it is a two-way street, isn't it? I have learned so much about our Heavenly Father from my children, and from the love that bursts forth from inside me- love that I do
nothing to create or conjure up; it simply grows and grows because of these little souls placed in my care, and their total trust in my ability to be who they need me to be. It truly is a miracle, this thing called love.
Not only are we
inevitably teaching our children by imitation, by
we are to
consciously be imitators as well! It is our calling. But WHAT do we find ourselves imitating most of our waking hours- Someone else that we admire? Someone we
wish we were, instead of who we were created to be? Our parents? Our elders? Our spouse? Or perhaps no one at all (or at least no one we are aware of)? I suspect that we all imitate someone or some ideal, whether we are acutely aware of this or not. Every now and then you meet a unique individual that seems to 'march to the beat of their own drum'...yet, I wonder who
their influence was/is, whom they are subconsciously imitating. After all, there is 'nothing new under the sun', yes?
That which has been is what will be,
That which is done is what will be done,
And there is nothing new under the sun.
~Ecc. 1:9
The one thing that can be explained in
all of us, though many never come to see this (or refuse to, perhaps) is the longing within us for true, accepting, unconditional love. Not even the kind of love that is found between parents and children, friends, or husbands and wives. No….the kind of longing that is only found in Love Himself. So, while I can look at many things within me that were certainly molded and shaped and impressed upon me through imitating my parents, the ultimate imitation that my soul longs for is in imitating Christ himself. For until I line my soul up with His, all other forms of imitation will fall short, and leave me still wanting for something more. As St. Augustine profoundly put it,
"You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our heart is restless until it rests in you."
So yes, we march forward, praying for wisdom and prudence and humility, hoping that we are 'worthy of imitation'. And if there are things we are
not yet worthy of being imitated for, we pray for the grace to change and improve and grow virtuous by imitating Him, rather than ignore them or stay satisfied with mediocre lukewarmness. Our Lord has instructed us on exactly how we are to go about
being imitators:
"Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God."
~Eph. 5:1-2
Simple, right?! ;-)
